end up in || joshua tree
- gemini
- Aug 6, 2023
- 11 min read
joshua tree continues to test the sanity of the passersby who venture into this otherworldly desert, just as it did for the mormons who were welcomed with open arms by the "tree of life." this desert haven was once the secret hideaway for artists seeking to lose their minds in the desolated landscape. well.... unfortunately, the f***ing cat's out of the bag [thanks coachella], so now you can witness as the ensemble of strange characters, places, and oddities slowly phase out for tourist a**holes like us.
there is a brewing uneasiness and liberation that comes with exploring joshua tree. the thought "how the h*** does this exist" becomes "why the f*** not," as you boulder through alien rock formations, gawk at the resilience of the desert wildlife, and discover the artists inspired by this strangely glorious desert valley.
wander the desert || joshua tree national park
highlights
take a scenic drive through winding park roads, watching the landscape turn into an imagined wonderland of "cowboys versus aliens" [without the weird s***yness]
check off your joshua tree bingo cards through the barker dam trail, hitting up all of the quintessential aspects of the park
test your bouldering skills and pray to god that an earthquake doesn't happen while you play in the "hall of horrors"
grab a flashlight and blanket for stargazing in this designated dark sky reserve at skull rock or arch rock
barker dam trail
barker dam started off [as a clearly f***ing misguided] water reservoir for cattle farmers. of course, the idea did not go according to plan, because even with collected water, you can't make grass sprout out of sand.
this trail is recommended for two reasons: (1) it's a fairly easy hike and does not take too much time if you are worried about the heat and (2) the trail highlights the primary wildlife native to joshua tree while still providing access to rock formations to admire or play with. once you reach the petroglyphs, you can make the loop back to the parking lot.
address | Barker Dam Nature Trail, Twentynine Palms, CA 92277 |
duration | 45-100 min |
cost | joshua tree national park - $30 for vehicle pass [lasts 7 days] |
tips: water, water, water, water, water, water, and water. hydrate as much as you can when exploring the park. for this particular trail, there is not a lot of overhead shade, so wear a hat and sunscreen, because even if the trail is short the direct exposure can still take its toll.
hall of horrors
if you've ever thought, "i want to travel to where i feel internally, like stuck between a rock and a hard place," then look no further than the hall of horrors for your existential workout.
the trail to the rock formations housing the hall of horrors is short, giving you ample time to play around the desert playground as much as you'd like. there are no signs telling you where exactly are the photo-worthy or insta-perfect shots, so it'll be your f***ing pleasure to explore the rocks yourself to find it.
address | Park Blvd Hall of Horrors Area, California, Joshua Tree National Park, CA 92277 |
duration | 30-60 min |
cost | joshua tree national park - $30 for vehicle pass [lasts 7 days] |
tips: you'll need good tread on your hiking shoes. if you are wearing plain tennis shoes be careful of your foot placement. the rocks are deceptively ragged which also helps provide great grip for climbing, but if you're wearing the wrong shoes you risk gathering scrapes and bruises along your journey.
stargaze @ skull rock or arch rock
joshua tree is open 24/7 and is a designated dark sky park, making it the ultimate stargazing spot. the jagged skylines of skull rock and arch rock add to the otherworldly terrain and set a gorgeous f***ing backdrop for the stars to shine.
is it terrifying climbing the rocks with limited visibility? or sitting in dead a** silence with nothing but the pitter patter of the night creatures? for my baby a**, yes it is. but it's worth it to see the sky light up with the thousands of giant balls of gas and other worlds.
address | Skull Rock Trailhead or Arch Rock Nature Trail, Twentynine Palms, CA 92277 |
duration | 60-120 min - key is to visit during a new moon |
cost | joshua tree national park - $30 for vehicle pass [lasts 7 days] |
tips: during the peak weekends of the new moon, you'll find a lot of others looking to stargaze. so make a night of it - pack a snack, some drinks , a blanket, and a lamp to grab a spot early and slowly watch the sky change.
rest ya weary bones || desert hot springs
highlights
soak in the natural hot springs in california's "spa city" for a day or a couple of nights
treat your a*** to a massage or a facial, because you f***ing deserve it
enter into the desert oasis of azure palm hot springs. the grounds feature one olympic pool, two small indoor and outdoor pools, a reflexology path [which i learned hurts like a motherf***er], a sauna as well as 4 natural springs tubs in their oasis [you'll recognize them because they are gorgeous and have stripper names]. and these are just the amenities open to day guests; overnight guests also have access to their himalayan salt room, ice room, and saunas.
desert hot springs has a variety of upscale and boutique hot springs spas: from the historic spa @ sec-he, to the high-end two bunch palms, and comfy good house. many of these spas prioritize overnight guests, so some of the amenities may not be open for those with day spa passes. you can also usually get hot springs privileges when booking spa treatments, but you should also look for sneaky s*** deals where you need to pay for a treatment + spa use fee.
my partner and i really didn't leave the oasis during our visit. there was more seating in the back of this outdoor garden, while most guests hung around the olympic pool [heh suckers].
the environment was absolutely beautiful and it felt amazing. three things to note: (1) the natural tubs can be reserved, but they are open to anyone during the weekends unless specified [meaning, if someone is taking up all of the tub, that space is not exclusively for them unless there's a sign that says so], (2) when you make day pass reservations, it'll ask you to choose a time. this is an unfortunate flaw of their system, because the front desk personnel said the passes last the whole day, and (3) the tub waters are all natural while the pools outside the oasis have a lil bitty bit of chlorine to match california health codes [so if you have a chlorine allergy, like my sensitive a** does, this is helpful to note].
as someone who hoes out for hot springs, i may have been the tiniest bit high, so when i was able to try out azure hot spring's cafe, i nearly wept eating my cheeseburger on the lounge chair. there are of course healthier options for people who are much better and smarter than i, but i'd take stupidity and a transcendent experience over anything else. this may have been my "higher" self in the moment, but i vowed to return to azure again one day for an overnight stay.
address | 67589 Hacienda Ave, Desert Hot Springs, CA 92240 |
duration | 2 hours - 4 hours for a day pass, as long as you goddamn please for night guests |
cost | $75 for a day pass [includes locker, robe, and slippers, as well as access to 4 outdoor natural springs tubs, 3 pools [one olympic pool], 2 indoor pools, and a sauna], for spa treatments and rooms check here |
tips: the online reservations for day pass guests currently limit you to a time slot. however, you should have access for the spa amenities throughout the whole day, so don't feel like you only need to show up during your sign up time. bring a book or sketchpad and a reusable water bottle, just take your time going in and out of the baths while staying hydrated.
trip out on weird s*** || joshua tree
the joshua tree art scene is the poster child of "when you take a s***ton of drugs and lose yourself in the desert." the emerging products are eclectic, full of life, and messy in the most beautiful ways possible.
highlights
walk in the work of an icon at noah purifoy's outdoor museum
visit the art queen's quirkiest and f***ing adorable roadside attraction the "world famous crotchet museum"
shave your head, dye your hair, get bangs, or other life alterations at beauty bubble salon
a los angeles icon who took his practice to joshua tree, noah purifoy [r.i.p.] is known for his assemblages or "junk art." his collections of artifacts, also know as other people's s*** reimagined into statements and off-kilter structures, is a hard core trip to visualize in the desolation of the desert acreage.
open for as long as the sun is out [from dawn to dusk], noah purifoy's outdoor museum is a strange and wonderfully f***ed up experience. intentionally randomized and formed into familiar oddities, this amazing "junk yard" really stirs up the internal dialogue of "what the f*** does this mean?"
address | 62975 Blair Ln, Joshua Tree, CA 92252 |
duration | 30-60 min |
cost | free |
tips: the road into this museum is not paved all the way through, so please keep that in mind for your cars. this is also in a residential area, so don't be an a**hole and please only use designated parking spots during your visit.
art queen's world famous crotchet museum
step into the backyard of the "art queen," aka the multi-hyphenate artists, musician, curator, and proud business owner, shari elf. first, you can stop by the art queen's store where you can purchase screen-printed thrifted clothing and patches containing images you never knew you needed on your denim jeans, like jesus and his cats.
the quirkily famous roadside attraction, the world famous crotchet museum, houses an eclectic family of crotched dolls of all shapes, sizes, and creeds. was it a lil creepy standing in the middle of a bunch of dolls staring at you from all angles, absolutely f***ing yes, but standing in there to see all of the characters known and unknown brought a sense of childlike magic.
address | 61855 Hwy 62 Joshua Tree, California |
duration | 20-30 min |
cost | free |
learn your hair-story [heh, f***ing get it] at the beauty bubble salon. get your hair styled, cut, and colored surrounded by the largest collection of "hair-aphernalia" in the united states.
run by congress-honored "hairstorian" jeff hafler, the beauty bubble salon is an homage to the hair industry in all of its facets. as beauty standards shift and transform through history, this salon is a time capsule to show that hair big or small is pretty goddamn significant to all peoples' lives.
address | 61855 Hwy 62 Joshua Tree, California |
duration | 20-60 min |
cost | museum is free to roam, but you'll need to ask for a quote when calling for appointment inquiries |
tips: check out the documentary inside the beauty bubble to learn more about hairstory and the building of this collection.
eat, sleep, f***, and be merry || joshua tree, yucca valley, 29 palms
highlights
glamp in autocamp joshua tree to fulfill your desert fantasies without the hassle
build your own charcuterie board in yucca valley or joshua tree to watch the sunset
eat, eat, eat quick in joshua tree without feeling like complete s*** afterwards
splurge on a meal and [awesome f***ing drinks] to wind down from a day of desert exploration
shop for overpriced [yet still worth it] joshua tree merch, to really prove you've been here [because that's the only reason why we do anything nowadays]
give a big f***ing chefs kiss {*mwah*} for chef everton gordon and his work at kitchen in the desert. with an emphasis on fresh ingredients and s***ton on flavor through trinidadian-influenced new american cuisine, this restaurant serves mouthwatering vegetable dishes, scrummy shrimp, and fantastic-a** jerk chicken [also the basil on the key lime pie is f***ing genius].
with a changing menu and a beautiful lineup of crafted cocktails, kitchen in the desert is perfect for a date night or a friend/family get together. great food without the fuss and a charming environment that is the right amount of artsy-rustic, this spot feels like a hidden gem in the desert.
address | 6427 Mesquite Ave, Twentynine Palms, CA 92277 |
duration | 60-90 min |
cost | food is suggested to be shared with typical items between $15-$35 per plate and drinks $15-$17, check out their menu here |
tips: reservations are preferred [but really you kind of need it, especially during the weekends] for this restaurant, so please plan accordingly. this spot is also very close the 29 palms entrance to joshua tree national park, so its optimal to finish off a day of hiking or to fuel up before some late night stargazing.
the dez fine food + sun of the desert
@dezfinefood is a quick-stop-shop for all of your sandwich, caffeine, and charcuterie needs. you can't miss the cute, decked out branded golf-cart marking the entrance of this gourmet store. if you are looking to be fancy-as-s*** on your day in joshua tree, the build-your-own picnic possibilities are plentiful, and @dezfinefood gives you all the provisions you need.
if you are looking to escape the heat or satiate an immediate hangry spell, walk a few stores down with your food to the sun of the desert.
sun of the desert is a general store featuring in-house and vintage clothing, plus an assortment of enamel dishes, thrifted pocket knives, rustic mugs, and other aesthetically-rough items to make you feel like the hottest miner/cowboy in the desert.
is it smart s*** that the sitting area for @dezfinefood is in the backyard of a trendy-a** boutique with a fantastic logo? yes, yes it is evil genius s***, because i unabashedly dropped $70 bucks on a tank-top and bandana branded with sun of the desert's logo and i have no regrets.
address | 61705 + 61729 Twentynine Palms Highway, Joshua Tree, CA 92252 |
duration | 15-60 min |
cost | sandwiches range from $6-$15 dollars and drinks from $3-$7. to check out their menu follow @dezfinefood on insta. the merch from sun of the desert is mostly in store, but some of their items are available online |
ultimately the coolest f***ing roadside souvenir shop, the station is a retro-modified gas station now open for special events and all of your go-to joshua tree fan merch. clever and non-apologetic designs, the souvenirs available are pricey, but top-notch. with its iconic exterior and eclectic interior, there is plenty discover inside the station.
address | 61943 Twentynine Palms Highway, Joshua Tree, CA 92252 |
duration | 15-30 min |
cost | items range in price with $5 beer cozies to $30 t-shirts. you'll have to explore to know what's worth it in price for you |
before starting a long day of desert exploration you want a meal that doesn't make you feel like s***. natural sisters cafe will boost you with all of the nurturing you'll need to start your day. championing organic ingredients and fresh produce, this cafe focuses on making food with "kindness, focus, + love." i am a personal fan of the "rock climber's revenge," which tastes like a milkshake with enough fiber to make you s*** like the dickens [in the best way possible, to avoid the public restrooms of a national park].
the iconic pink surrounding the joshua tree mug is the symbol for this small town staple. you don't have to look far in the photo memories of the joshua tree coffee company, to see how they have grown from a small shop with unique brewing techniques to a national coffee distributor. with an emphasis on organic farming and rustic roasting tecniques, the joshua tree coffee company is for the coffee connoisseurs and those looking for a solid pick-me-up to start the day.
address | 61695 + 61738 Twentynine Palms Hwy Joshua Tree, CA 92252 |
duration | 20-45 min |
cost | joshua tree coffee's drinks range from $4-$6 and food at the natural sister's cafe ranges from $8-$16, with smoothies from $7-$8 |
desierto alto is speciality grocery store combined fine wine and spirits shop to make all of your "drunchy" charcuterie and drank dreams come true. from cheap and quality wines to expensive-a*** labels to potato chips and caviar, desierto alto can work around your budget. the selection will also allow you to try things you've never had before. did you think all tinned fish was meant for elementary school tuna sandwiches like me? then you're in for the glory of tinned smoked salmon.
take your findings back to joshua tree and watch the sunset. drink, eat, [maybe f*** on a rock?], and be merry. wine down with a great view and watch the stars slowly appear in the desert sky.
address | 6427 Mesquite Ave, Twentynine Palms, CA 92277 |
duration | 60-90 min |
cost | say yes to $20 wines or splurge for a hefty penny. buy cheese(s) of choice with crackers for about another $20 and call it a night |
if a boutique hotel and campsite f***ed, you'd get an autocamp. you've probably seen their properties pop up on your social media feed a few times or similar sites/outdoor experience accomodations now that glamping has become the "it" thing since the pandemic. i'd say glamping is for petty f***ers like me who want to be able to s*** in a flushing toilet, sleep in a bed, and have access to air conditioning/a heater and a hot shower, while also being able to roast s'mores on an open fire and have easy access to hiking trails.
with a handcrafted hangar camp-base featuring morning coffee, granola, local art, a cafe, general store, yoga classes, a pool, and live performances, joshua autocamp is really the best way to fake-rough it in the desert.
only a 5-minute bike ride or a 15-minute walk from downtown joshua tree, and a 20-minute drive from the national park entrance, joshua tree autocamp is a great homebase for your desert weekend.
the airstream suites feature the following:
kitchenette [with fridge, microwave, and sink]
queen bed
full bathroom [with vanity, toilet, and rain shower]
private outdoor patio
flatscreen tv
you'll also find plenty of outlets w/usb ports, closet space w/drawers, as well as a sitting couch area. the space is efficiently designed to give you all the simple luxuries you need.
for better or worse, you will have everything you need for your outdoor adventures. if you call your experiences at autocamp camping, you will be considered an a**hole, because it is not. like most things nowadays it is the illusion of roughing it in the woods for your social media pictures, which sometimes is all you f***ing need. for the price of the night stay there are plenty of other cool options for stays in joshua tree, but if you manage to snag a great deal like i did, you could find it completely worth it.
address | 62209 Verbena Rd Joshua Tree, CA 92252 |
duration | 1-2+ nights |
cost | accommodations range from $400-$600 per night. however, i got my stay for $230 a night with their 2022 black friday deal, for more of their current offers check here |
land acknowledgement
the land where joshua tree national park occupies is home to the Chemehuevi, Serrano, and Cahuilla peoples. joshua tree national park and the twenty-nine palms band of mission indians is currently in a co-stewardship agreement. this is to also acknowledge that the current joshua tree national park headquarters is on what was previously reservation land and that the government entity has control of the oasis of mara, which is a culturally significant site.
lessons learned
joshua tree is best done when you leave a little or a lotta wiggle room for exploration. the national park is a giant playground and all of the surrounding cities are filled with nooks and crannies of oddities. make maybe one restaurant reservation [not a lot of local spots need them] or schedule in a spa day, but you can take the rest at your own pace.
the souvenir selection in joshua tree is top-notch s***, so budget accordingly. or, you can also revisit any of the local shops to make a final decision [the walking around is the best bit]. either way you'll probably be supporting a local artist directly, which is not what you can say for a lot of other tourist destinations.
![end up eating+drinking || sacramento [summer 2023]](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/6b5107_b77392ee4b1b4cffa92702b3700a2a75~mv2.jpeg/v1/fill/w_980,h_735,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_avif,quality_auto/6b5107_b77392ee4b1b4cffa92702b3700a2a75~mv2.jpeg)
Comentarios